It is over. I will miss him but life goes on. Janine… I don’t know what I can do. Her hands are so cold, but the sun’s out. We’ve been walking for 20 minutes and she had not said one word. When will she be better? I just want things to be back to normal… oh God, normal, what the hell, Jeff! It will never be normal again, or the same. There is no God, so take that word out of your damn vocabulary. Fuck, Jeff get a grip, Janine needs you.. me.. I have to be sane. Janine, look at me, c’mon just look at me and tell me it’s ok… that we will be ok… It’s not my fault, Janine.
What is she doing knitting a sweater like that, she’s too old to be a mother… oh maybe she’s a grandmother. Red, could be a boy… or a girl. It’s not fair. Why? Why us? Josh has a red sweater like that, we bought it for him last Easter. He loves it, stroking the wool. Oh my son, oh…
I am so cold… I hope the sun will warm me up soon… he is so cold. He’s angry, I know it, but it’s not my fault. How was I to know? He’s my first, I know I am supposed to care for him, I do, I did, I love him so much. I … he can’t be gone, my baby cannot be …and now he hates me… the way he’s gripping my hand now, he doesn’t want to hold it, I can tell… another lie, how many will he tell me… God, I am so tired, I just want to lay here, right here on the grass and sleep…
What a lovely sweater, red … that’s Josh’s favourite colour. I wonder if it is for her granddaughter or grandson… she’s so lucky. I would never have a grandchild because he is gone… no, that’s ok, I will be fine. His memories will stay and I will grow stronger because of this. I will not be beaten by this, I can’t. What will Josh think if he knew I am so weak…
The old woman
Waiting, always waiting… at least I have my knitting. Imagine not having this, I’d probably go mad. I don’t think he’ll come… why would he? After all that I’ve done, he won’t ever want to see me. It’s just that I miss him, miss them so much. Just to finish off here and a button up here, and it’s ready. I hope Jimmy likes it. He’s always such a boy but he would look so good in red.
Mmm, that couple looks so angry. I don’t think he wants to be here… neither does she by the looks of it. They had a fight… no quite, she looks so sad, I guess it’s those relationship things. Oh love, you’ll be over him in no time, like me but I stayed on for another 11 years… stupid really. Feels good to take a stand, but … guess I’ll just wait.
They do make a good-looking couple really… Oh dear, why is he crying?